Finally, Im done with my CAT.  I appeared for the exam today and had a wonderful time, thanx to CAT,:) I guess it was great more because I was on my own n did everything and anything I felt like. There was neither any obligation of constantly talking to someone, nor was there any awkwardness of walking in silence with a companion. Not that I dont enjoy company, just that it was good for a change. Coming back to CAT, my exam was fine. The questions didnt make me go out of my wits(though I was all set to face them by clicking on the NEXT button:P).  I attempted a decent number of questions. However I doubt my accuracy. I had not practiced enough to manage a consistent accuracy. But overall it was a very good experience. More than anything else, I am glad I appeared for CAT! For the first time in my life I feel I have done something worthwhile :) :P Imagine the level of my satisfaction!! :D

I am a coward when it comes to decisions. I am  not bad at making decisions, but scared and weak at deciding independently. CAT is one decision I was always scared of taking. I dont remember how old I was when I first heard about THE (prestigious) CAT. My dad's colleague was preparing for it. He had some preparotary books on CAT which I happened to browse. I checked out a few english questions and thought to myself, "This isn't all that tough..I  should give it a try too!!". (What a (over)confident child I used to be:P) Though I always wanted to appear for the exam, I couldn't decide on things  such as when to prepare, how to prepare, whether  to appear for the exam this year or next..blah! blah! blah! Thats when the Gods had pity on me...and by divine intervention my friend entered as though to deliver a message from heaven(rofl!). It was this friend of mine who pushed and supported me, through thick and thin..made me prepare, enroll and finally appear for the exam! So if you are reading this, I just wanna say "Thank you Friendie...*HUGS*..luv you..*kisses*.."

P.S. Today I visited the famous K.C.Das & Sons sweets parlour at Esplanade. Actually I was very confused..and kept thinking whether to have fresh fruit juice or jhalmuri. Just then I spotted this beautifully decorated outlet and as usual, was confused whether to visit it or not. Though I was walking forward, my eyes were still fixed sideways at this eatery. And it so happened that I banged my head onto a bent-over electric pole!! Stunned, i tried to regain myself and walked forward still confused. Thats when i suddenly turned back and entered the shop(finally:D) I ordered RasMalai at first and RadhaVallavi later. As I sat by the table, with this typical Bengali spread infront of me I looked around at the mangnanimous, traditionally Bengali  interiors of the store. Probably I was the only non-Bengali around. Its was a perfect setting. Bengali taste, Bengali interiors, Bengali people, Bengali words...I was savouring few of the best Bengali flavours and soaking in a new-found "feel-good" space that I had created for myself in midst of strangers. I dont remember getting so much of an "in Bengal" feeling before while liking it too!

I just went through Soumi's blog. Man..what dedication! I was really impressed. After reading her blogs, I feel like a waste. My posts are boring as in they lack variety. I hardly have any readers posting comments. There is no way of knowing whether im actually improving with each blog or not.

Reading Soumi's blog n following all her fashion inspirations made me so happy! Her blog has opened a whole new world for me. So lively, vibrant, colorful, bright...more than the intellect such blogs are a treat to the eye.

I miss writing short stories. When I was in school, Pallavi mam would push me to come up with good plots for stories. Try my best I did, although I could never really decipher her true expectations.
Soumi has written some beautiful anecdotes. Her style is smooth..adorable. She will make a fine writer,I feel.

Hey I missed out on something very important! I forgot to mention that I have become a early riser these days. Inspired by Akash Gautam's blog, I decided to bring some discipline into my life. Hence the "early to bed n early to rise" bug! There were morning walks too! Waking up at 6.30am was the real challenge. I still find this one thing very difficult to do. But then morning walks are real fun and refreshing. I had only three morning walks[ :( ] but I loved the experience. With cool breeze rubbing past ur face, the morning chill causing goosebumps all over your arms morning walks are ever so refreshing and energising. A perfect day cannot have a better beginning. I guess the two girls who joined me for these walks didn't really feel in the same way. And so they donot want to carry on. One of them disappeared one the second day of the walk while the second could survive for no more than two! phew!  All said and done, for the record  I enjoy morning walks and Given a chance, I would be more than happy to continue.  

Probably God didnt know what a recipe of disaster he was inventing when he decided to give human's feelings! Why did He have to add them to our being in the first place?? I see no reason behind we humans needing feelings to survive. We could have done much better without it, thankyou very much!

No doubt having feelings means u can feel happy, excited, overjoyed etc when situations arise. However, when these same feelings make you feel sad, hurt, betrayed, not loved... you tend to go out of control. In such situations the feelings of melancholy outweigh the good feelings. The result is pathetic.

I have stopped crying these days. There are a host of reasons behind it. Firstly, I have shed alot of tears over last few years. I dont like to see myself crying like a feeble, helpless person. Secondly, nobody, not even the people for whom I waste those tears seem to bother about me shedding those priceless pearls. Thirdly, I believe what Akash Gautam says. Happy people are more successful. I want to be successful n it will help if I try n keep myself happy.

Together with so many people around, this life seems to move on at a steady pace. But it doesnt seem to care about anyone, it simply moves on. Man is a strange animal, always looks for company. Always wants to peep into the lives of others, always wishes to see a smile for himself on someone else's face! Well, whats the basis of such wishes? Why cant he just mind his own business n get on with his life? If your life doesnt wait for you or others, then why do u?

Why were we all given a family? Why did God give us a father, a mother, a sister or a brother? He gave us these relationships to prepare us for the larger family, that consists of innumerable people with who we are all destined to brush our shoulders as we move along. But then why separation? Why is there a "Goodbye" after every meeting?? Well, maybe to make place for others in our lives. Separation is the biggest truth of life. Be it your frens or your family, separation will come someday. We all need to be prepared for it.

What about those who lose their family n loved ones forever? what do you have to say about them? Well, I have no answer to this question. However one thing that I have realised in my days so far is that Life is a gruelling duel, where both the opponents are better than the other. Its an interview where the interviewer is a strict stoned faced man, where you have no idea whether your answers are pleasing the interviewer or infuriating him, where you get more nervous with each question asked! It offers you sweets at some points in time, n gives you that cold stare at others.

At the end of the day, its about being optimistic and enthusiastic. If Life takes over you like the Big Boss, you need to stand up to it with gallantry.

R e f l e c t i o n s....

I don't know what the river wants to say,
when sunlight hits the water, it spreads its ray...

I don't know why the birds soar so high,
when I look at them I cannot but heave a sigh...

I don't know why the flowers bloom,
when evening decends, they end their day in gloom...

I don't know why I think, without giving my eyes a chance to even blink,
when i suddenly wake up... lost... empty... and hollow, unable to even think...

It had been a long day. The sun was out with its full might as beads of perspiration gradually lined Heera's forehead. All the seats in the bus were occupied. Thankfully she managed to find a place to stand comfortably in the otherwise crowded bus.
It had been 15 years since she had deposited Rs 5000 in the State Bank. Her husband, Raman was a wise man. He used to keep advising her to save money, that in time of need it was one's savings that helped. It was the result of several such doses of wisdom that Heera had decided to save rupees two thousand and put them into the bank as fixed deposit. The bank officials had then assured her a return triple of the original amount deposited.
After Raman's sudden demise last year, life had started to take its toll on Heera. She had no money to pay her only son's college fee. Repeated pleadings to relatives for help fell on deaf ears. She had not felt so helpless ever before. All hopes had faded. Her world was about to come crumbling down on her when a letter from State Bank reached her. Those 5000Rs had now tripled as the bank officials had said. The letter asked her to collect the sum at the earliest. A much stressed and worried Heera finally felt relieved. Help had come, finally. Raman had been right, in the time of need it was ones savings that helped.
So today she was returning home from the bank. The money would be sufficient to pay her son's college fee. Standing in the bus, she remembered her husband and his words, when suddenly she felt a tug at her saree. She turned to look into a pair of bespectecled, intent eyes . "Whats your name?", the women beside her was asking. "Why do you want to know?", asked a bewildered Heera. "I am Lata", said the women. "Lata!" cried Heera and her memory transported her to a period 25 years ago.

They used to be neighbours at Ganesh Talkies. It was a dilapidated two-storeyed building. Lata and Heera's families were the only ones sharing the building, Lata's family on the first and Heera's on the second floor. Each day they would have a racing competition, race starting from the terrace and ending at the huge blue-coloured gate of a factory beside their house. Lata's mother would keep yelling at them, on top of her voice, asking them to study and stop playing but it all fell ears. (...to be contd)

M e m o r i e s. . .

                                           

They sweep down my mind, they stirr up my spirits,

They leave me thirsty for the past...

Memories  float in, parallel to the future's creep,

They transcend me into the good old days...

How I miss those heart-warming moments,

The actual feelings I can'st not speak...

My friends, my loved ones all seem to have been left behind,

At steady pace life moves on...

Determined to cross new milestones,
Memories of them is all that I take along...

"Perhaps this is life..", I keep telling myself,"I need to move on.."
But strange, isn't it? how quickly time fleets along!

The poetess' own...

Lost in a summer's dream, happy children passing by...

I walked down that avenue, like the cheerful bird that flew past high.

Reflecting on the song of life, nature seemed to be dancing with me...

Joyous and mirthful was the tune it played, making even my shadow leap around in glee.

Full of life seemed the day that summer..

All around the wind blew,  thrilling me with its mysterious murmur.

The person within me was healed and healthy,

Life was moving on..with happiness world was wealthy.

A friend I had, the joy I wanted...but  journey was long that day,

 I did move on...unphased yet sceptical of the road ahead which lay.



Socially online!

Whats wrong with people? there seems to be no relevance of the word "private" these days. You go on a holiday and post your pics for the world to see. You go shopping and you post your pics for the world to see. I have even seen people sharing pics of them cleaning themselves inside a bathroom! i mean what the heck?? Have we got nothing else more worthwhile to do than to display ourselves posing inside our bedrooms?? Not just this, people are going around commenting freely on whats supposed to be your "private" moments with your family or ur friends, for that matter. Privacy of homes is getting encroached upon. Its like living on the streets where everybody can peek in n see what you are upto. Wherever i go, i find people smiling n laughing not at each other but at the camera! these pics are then very enthusiastically posted on facebook.  All and sundry, knowns and unknowns, neigbours and frens and almost everybody else even remotely connected to u then turn up to chirp how cool or uncool u looked!
 I had once been to a restuarant where three guys beside my table were eating and boozing. I noticed that at regular intervals each of them was clicking pictures of the other. With wine glass in one hand and kebabs in the other, they posed to their best. Just then one of them exclaimed- "wah! kya mast pic aayi h...facebook pe upload karna yaar!". The other joined in with- "haan ghar pahuchte hi saare pics upload kardunga!".
 Another thing that really irked me today was that i found myself tagged in a picture of a group of guys, among whom not a single one was known to me! Baffled and bewildered, I realised how my identity was not in my hands. Anybody could use or misuse it the way they wanted.
Incidents such as these have become an everyday affair for me. However the big question staring us is that have our lives reduced to this?? Our world have reduced to the confines of a 14inches screen or rather we have started viewing the world through it! Flowers have become more pleasing on an LCD screen rather than the sight of them blooming in the garden. The sun sets everyday but we never bother to take a moment and witness the marvellous spectra of nature but when a friend shares a pic of the setting sun, we never forget to type a comment on it no matter how busy we are. This is an age where inspite of having the time to go out and "look where squirrels hide their nuts in grass", we chose to stay indoors and see how our friend's friend's neigbour's dog's birthday party went!!

Nuts n memories...

Sometimes insignificant things which are in someway related to our loved ones become so important for us. It is separation that teaches us to value these things.
 I had a packet of roasted nuts my dad had bought in Ahmedabad. When he carried this packet to Rajasthan he had no clue that i would be carrying it all the way to Kolkata. Once here, each day i would pull out couple of nuts from the packet merrily munching on them, making my mind mill thoughts. Sometimes i would just stare at the packet, trying to read the words in Gujarati painted on it. The nice salty taste f the nuts made me wonder what the man who owned the factory that produced these nuts would be like. I tried guessing whether these nuts were famous in Gujarat..whether every housewife made sure that a packet of these nuts was always available in the house..and then I would think about my dad. Peace,mirth..happiness would seep in from all sides..I would feel im floating in thin air...mummy..papa...home...!
For 13 odd days i gobbled these nuts sometimes little, sometimes more than little but alas! everything comes to an end and so have the nuts!  All that im left with is the empty packet with its Gujarati label in blue. Im thinking of treasuring this packet for some more time. Not having it will not make much of a difference, but having it will make me feel closer to dad. Who knows sometimes i might just stare at it munching some other variety of nuts and allow the same thoughts to percolate in. Ultimately it will make me feel closer to home.

A sleepy happy world.

i spent a fortnight last month at my ancestral home, far away at a village in Rajasthan.
 It also happens to be my birthplace. Everything about this sleepy village is dear to me. The hanuman temple by the giant banyan tree, the primary government school which i attended as a child, the concrete road that runs right through the heart of the village end-to-end, the village well where men, women, children from my childhood would gather more to chat and recreate than to fetch water. There used to be a long narrow reservoir around a couple of water-taps by the well. The water in it used to be greenish-brown with slime and mucus that got mixed into it from the mouths of the buffaloes that drank water in it. As kids, we used to dread even looking into the reservoir. It marked the existence of a dark, mysterious and ghastly world full of creatures the thought of whom was enough to make shivers run down our spines. We could not dare to even stand by it all alone! As events turned out, one fine day i slipped and fell into this dark, deep, mysterious and scarry world we always believed existed. Scared to death I was that moment, my heart skipped several beats as i kept struggling to get to my feet. However, the monsters that i met under the gloomy waters were, to my utter surprise only fat, slimy,ugly and croaking frogs!! With my frock covered in repelling slime n mucus, i finally jolted out of the water and ran home crying!
All that has changed now. The taps still stand in their places, but the reservoir storing drinking water for animals has be relocated. Another thing that I really miss about Dujod is its serenity. There is never any kind of "noise" there. Once in a while the temple loudspeaker is heard abuzz with religious 'bhajans'. Sometimes a DJ is heard playing rajasthani songs in a 'barat' and thats all to it. Calm, serene and peaceful, life here has its own pace and at the end of the day every villager is happy and satisfied with their respective lives.  If one happens to pass by at noon, he might probably walk the entire length of the village and not meet a single human! That's because most have finished lunch and are off for a siesta while others are in a nearby town for work.
In one corner of this hamlet is situated my sweet, not-so-little home! As i reminisce my days spent there, I realise the how true the phrase "home is where the heart is" rings, and more so when ones home is situated in a village as this!

Evenings of struggle

Twice a week I visit this place called Sector-V. Sector-V is to Kolkata what Bangalore is to India. Its the IT hub of the city. Software biggies such as TCS, CTS, HCl etc have their offices here. This region is still in the developing phase and as you enter the region, you'll notice structures of  huge buildings, residential and official alike looming into the horizon. I have been watching these structures "developing" since the last 3years and wonder when the construction will get completed. The roads are broad and in good shape. Thankfully, traffic is minimal and this makes a drive through this region fairly enjoyable.
I dont know what the scenario must be during the morning hours, but my evening sightings of the region  have really got me thinking! Men and women, after ardous hours at work, keep waiting in long queues by the road to avail a seat in an autorickshaw. They linger for hours at bus-stops waiting for a bus and finally when they find one they are shoved into it like goods into a goods-train! I have also seen some of them crammed like sacks inside a rental car!
Phew! What a pathetic state! First you slog at work from morn to eve, spend all your energy trying to give your best shot and then at the end of the day when you are all exhausted and tired longing to reach home as fast as you can, you find another struggle awaiting you! Such a pity!
Life in software-field is already so stressfull, such inconveniences only add to the ever so taxing stress. In some years I too shall be working in one such IT firm and I would hate to wait this way in long queues to get back home.
The solution lies with the employers and the Government. It is the companies employing these people who should come forward and help. Every company must provide its employees with convenient and affordable conveyance. Presently only a few companies provide such a facility. I feel the state government too should stand up and take note. The frequency and number of buses must be increased to make life a little simpler for these people. However, whether the scenario will ever change remains a big question mark.
At the end of the day, life is full of struggles. One needs to fight to survive. The day your fight ends, you stop existing.

Reunion Of Lost Lovers: my writings n me....




Before I start with my own customised blog, let me first pinch myself!! O my God........i have finally DONE IT!!!yippeee..uhuuu!.

For all those wondering what the heck! writing a blog is no big deal, let me tell you that for a normal girl with some not-so-normal interests like me, starting this blog is quite an achievement. I had been thinking of doing the honours since years, three to be precise! Blessed be this day, 20th of June,2011 which showed my blog its dawn.

Its 4:23am, i was half asleep when i chanced upon a beautifully written blog..the "create blog" button on the top right of the page pulled my gaze, my sleep transcended into oblivion for I jumped at the opportunity and the result is for all of you to see.

Through my writings here in the blog, i wish to cultivate and nurture a garden of thoughts, experiences, views, plots and verses that exist somewhere inside my head and are waiting to be adddressed.

Before i end, let me justify the title of my blog which says: "Reunion Of Lost Lovers...my writings and me..". Well, writing was my first love. Its difficult to say whether it was accidental or the circumstances made me fall for it, but writing gave me solace n my writings gave me fame n recognition! However for almost 3 years i lost touch n my zeal somewhere in midst waned, the love though was not lost! So here i am all set for this wonderful journey in a new way, on a new platform n with all new readers! So "Cheers!" to writing. Until my next blog- stay happy n stay inspired:)